The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
