So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize