he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
