After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
