I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were destined to go to rehab together
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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