sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
