i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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