I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
