turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
