i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
