i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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