Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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