things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
