okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
