Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
pray to the hookup gods
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
