Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
being pregnant is like rehab
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
