nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
