I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
