Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
