Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
