I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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