I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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