I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
True strength comes from lack of pants
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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