i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
