i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
