He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
