I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't turn off my feet"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
