More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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