Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm always down for nudity.
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