I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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