I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
