Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
