did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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