this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
