i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
