im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
