Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
