So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Boobs speak an international language.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
