And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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