the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize