Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Maybe he injected his testicle?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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