If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So much rum. So many feels.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
