he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My breasts were aching with rage.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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