the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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