I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
