i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
