Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize