Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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