I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
