hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize