you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
