I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
