also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize