Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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