P.S. I can't hear my feet
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
