so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
