He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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