my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
