How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish you could order shots online.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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