Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
