I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
