im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I will pee on everything he values.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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