someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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