I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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