he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
