Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's shark week go big or go home
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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