Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
