Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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