mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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