I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I wear drunk well.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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