This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
