i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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