It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize