DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize