I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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