It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
