Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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