I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
