Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
