I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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