half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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