I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
