woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
