Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
