Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
