Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
