I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
