fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
