Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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