Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
try to milk me bitch
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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