You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
