You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
