half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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