I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
