theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize