This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
