so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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