By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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