her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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