i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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