they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
