I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
