i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
